Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Confidence doesn't look like confidence

  • "I got this, don't worry."
  • "Nothing's going to go wrong, trust me."
  • "Here, let me show you how to do that"
  • "What? You don't know what that is?"
These, along with many other, behaviors are how people have learned to hijack our brains and exude confidence.

In Bangladesh, when things used to be cheap, someone like me with a steady job in America had lots of money. And I have a few cousins with lots of business ideas. And they would exude confidence about their business idea. And at first, I fell for it, being very young, but soon I started seeing through it. 

They would give me guarantees, that was the red flag. I would tell them that "guarantees are impossible." And they would have no response. I would ask them what could go wrong, and they couldn't tell me, "Nothing's going to go wrong, trust me." I would ask them what they'd do, if this or that went wrong, "You wouldn't understand. But trust me, I know what I'm doing." And my reply, "No thanks, I can't help you with your business."

Here in America, people are better at business. But, for every truly confident, successful, businessman, there's an equally confident and success-exuding shyster.

Here's what real confidence looks like:
  • "I don't know, I'll find out."
  • "Hmmm... I wonder."
  • "Are you sure? What makes you so sure?"
  • "I've seen this before, and that happened. I think it's because of so and such. What do you think?"
  • "..." Silence. Listening.
Real confidence doesn't look like confidence.

Real confidence is knowing, and accepting that:
  • There's always a chance of something going wrong.
  • People are often innocently unfair and unjust. They are blind to being unfair, from not having thought about it. 
  • There are a few who know they're being unfair, and still continue and don't care to change. You will encounter these people. They will probably hold some position over you. People like that easily come into petty power.
  • Things take time. You must have patience.
  • Things will always change. Whatever you are doing now, won't matter so much later. 
  • Things ten tend to break apart with time. Your business, your relationship, your ideas, your body. If you don't want it to, you must prepare it fight against the gravity of time.
  • Everything worth doing is going to be hard. There is no easy way. The hard way is the easiest way in the long run.
  • Often, good intentions lead to bad consequences. And sometimes bad intentions lead to good outcomes. Time will tell. And often it's surprising.
  • Every action has both good AND bad consequences. The ratio of good:bad might be a way to rationalize it. Sometimes it's not.
  • There's most likely a better solution, but it will be hard to find, and it will take time.
People with real confidence, I've noticed, seem and look weak to those who don't have real confidence, which is unfortunately the majority of people. People with real confidence, but don't know how to also exude that confidence with a strong handshake and smile, don't pass job interviews easily. People with real confidence, who don't know how to compromise with idiots, piss of people who can't understand why they're asking so many "why?"s and "how come?"s, and don't hop on the bandwagon of their stupid, thoughtless, impatient ideas.

Real confidence causes people to be wary, to be careful, to slow down, to pause and think. They explore new ideas and ask questions about different ways something can be done. They reject old ideas that others hold onto, even though they don't make sense anymore. They're not afraid to do that, they have real confidence. Confident people are used to the unknown, and they've long ago built fortifications against being wrong about what they're doing. 

Why can't I do it this way?
I don't know if it's any better, and I won't know until I find out. You go off and do it the usual way, I'll let you know if this way works or not.
Yah, something can and most likely will go wrong. Yes, it won't be very easy. Yes, it might be impossible. Yes they might be laughing at me. Yes, I might get hurt, but I don't think I will too badly.
Who knows though right? I'd like to find out. Why? Cause I can see how everyone else is doing it, and I can see where they're going, and it looks fine where they end up. But, I'd like to see if I can go somewhere else.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Drugs: Doing it right

A healthy Life looks like this.

The structure of a healthy Life requires a lot of time doing things you don't want to do, but need to do (Chores). This is within the realm of Hell, meaning it doesn't feel good, and it's not supposed to.

Work can still feel like hell, but sometimes it can feel like Heaven. Where Chores are things you need to do to maintain a Life-style, Working allows you to increase your Life-style. Work provides rewards beyond the necessities.

Play, if done right, should feel great. It lives on top of Work. Sometimes we want to fool ourselves into thinking we can Play and then do our Chores, then our Work, but that's foolish, and we know we're fooling ourselves.

Enter Drugs

Drugs are the sky above Play. Drugs make you feel like you're flying through Heaven.

Some drugs include:

  • Alcohol
  • Pharmaceuticals, like opium and meth
  • Sugary processed food
  • Sex
  • Gambling, with life and money
If done safely, and in moderation, drugs can help you soar sometimes.
They key to doing drugs safely is to keep the structure of your Life intact. You do the chores, you do your work, you play, and then you do drugs sometimes. You drink when you're relaxing, not during work. You eat a little bit of sugar, the cherry on top of your vegetables and proteins. You have great sex with the love of your life.

Addiction and abuse

You begin to abuse drugs when you are trying to constantly fly. To have a Life, you need to frequently be working at it, taking care of your chores, doing your work well, and playing without the use of drugs. And sometimes you can go out into Heaven and fly, free of any concerns because you've done the best that you could do.

Instead some people feel the need to fly all the time. Maybe they've never had a structured Life and all they know is chaos and pain, and the freedom of flying with drugs. Or maybe they've had a Life, but it became badly damaged, and they are hopeless in repairing it.

But, when you keep flying, all the time, your Life withers away quickly without your attention. It's not a structure built of bricks, Life is built on habits. Habits that are broken when you replace them with other, toxic, habits. Without your constant love, your structure will wither away quickly, remarkably quickly.

And when you try to soar without a base to jump from, to go back to a Life after you're done flying, you end up stuck in hell.
Being high causes you to continue feeling like you're soaring through Heaven. But some part of you can see how the structure is collapsing. Or the structures you want to build never get complete or fall down too quickly. This worries you, upsets you, and there's a craving to soar again, to feel the freedom again.

You are in a spiral.

"Just Saying No" to drugs doesn't work. You can't D.A.R.E. kids out of never trying just how good they can feel on drugs. How "all drugs are, are a perfect solution to every problem you have right now," as Louis C.K. complained of when musing about what to tell his kids about drugs.
  • Never think that you are stronger than drugs. Respect drugs. You are your brain, not stronger than your brain. When you trick your brain by hijacking it with chemicals, you're tricking yourself.
  • Don't use drugs to spice up your Chores or Work. That's Stage Two of your spiral down into addiction.
  • Enjoy some play without the use of drugs. Drinking responsibly doesn't mean to get hammered and throw up in your DD's backseat and then have him drag you into your house and make sure you forced enough water down your throat. Drinking and drugging responsibly, means finding joy without drinking at all.