Saturday, October 8, 2016

What's the point, if it doesn't stick?

I don't like diets. I don't like leveraging debt. I like shortcuts, but I don't like short-cutting.
I don't understand the point of doing things that won't stick. 
I workout to practice structure, so my body doesn't ache when I'm old. I put my money and time into building assets, either physical or mental. I try to shift my diet gradually to something healthier.

I don't follow fads as much as other people. I can't seem to get myself into any of the popular things until long after they're out of fashion. I wait until the filter of time sifts out the shit, and then I sit back and enjoy the greats like Rocky or Apple products.

I'm a late adopter, I have no shame in being one. I can't get myself to spend time on things that don't stick around for long.

I like to make slow gradual progress so that I can take rests without losing. I feel like others can't rest, they have to keep struggling to stay afloat, or else they'll sink. I like to float around sometimes and enjoy where I've gotten myself to.

What's the point of struggling if you can't take a real break?

I like to start at the basics. The small simple things. And I like to teach myself how they piece together to become complex things. I like understanding all of it, top to bottom, that's my ideal. I can't understand people who are happy jumping to the top without knowing what they're standing on.

It comes from being scared. I'm scared a lot. But I feel like that fear has served me rather than held me back. I don't walk the beaten path, I am concerned about where the path came from, and where it's leading. Instead I walk my own path, but I do it slowly and carefully.

Fools rush around blindly, both on the beaten path, and off-road.

I don't have a lot of trust in my fellow human beings. But I don't know if that's a bad thing, it doesn't seem like most are trustworthy anyways, and they know it. So I don't understand why people suppress and sacrifice so much, just to fit in with those who don't know any better about what's right, what's proper, what's just.

I don't see the point in hanging out with people I don't feel comfortable being around. Why do people force these things to stick?

The times I've cheated on games, the game becomes lifeless to me very quickly. All that time and energy by the game makers, gone to waste because they put in cheat codes. I remember as a kid that real video games had cheats that allowed you to change the color, that's it. Or unlock an even harder level, I still yearn to play those again sometimes.

The times I've short-cut my way to the top of things, like trying to play the guitar through tabs and covering other popular easy songs, it just ended up being a waste of time. Now I'm practicing fundamentals, like scales, and I hope it sticks.

I've walked some beaten paths, like going to university for a degree in programming. I wonder where would I be now if I had cultivated my natural curiosity for programming when I was 13, instead of relying on the academic system. I don't regret that one though, academics have opened my eyes to different things.

But I do wonder what if's often.

I probably deal with a lot more Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) then those rushing around. But I deal with it, not let it deal with me. I feel it deeply. The feeling of seeing others pass me by. The feeling of being alone when it's too much work being not-myself around others. The feeling of smallness, of being the slowest person in the group, or the most immature. I'm slow because I'm trying to do it right, but that's little consolation when I see others doing it better with seeming ease.

I have become numb to those feelings from practice, and have gained wisdom with time. I'm not missing out on the wonderful reality present before me every single moment.

Time proves me right. The people who've passed me by, I see them again eventually. Usually as I slowly pass them by, like the tortoise.

I'm not perfect in my sticking to things that stick. There are very few who do what I do, there are some who do it better. I have learned from them the importance of things that stick. These are the people I call mentors. They have taught me patience. They have taught me the importance of fundamentals. They've shown me what they've accomplished through simple practice.

I have less than others. I have less friends, less things, less experiences. But the few that I do have stick. They'll be there for the rest of my life, and probably beyond.